


the beach and the stars and them

by triviastar



Category: Stray Kids (Band), 스트레이키즈
Genre: Angst, Family, M/M, Sad, binsung are soft babies uwu, han jisung angst, i love 3racha btw, lesson on how to write right tags pls, literally what is this, mainly minho and 3racha others are just mentioned, minsung - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 06:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18330155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triviastar/pseuds/triviastar
Summary: it was all a blur, but there were two things minho was sure of :one : jisung agreed this to be their first date.two : jisung kissed him on the cheeks before whispering a hurried goodnight.or jisung is scared of being left alone and minho tells him he won't, leave him





	the beach and the stars and them

“jisung can you please pick up jun from his dance class?” ,jisung heard through his phone speakers over the repeating beat playing on chan's laptop. 

“mom— now?” ,jisung asked, disbelief evident in his tone.

“yes i got called for a sudden meeting, and it's almost time to bring jun home.” ,his mom's voice was heard along with a few other mingled authoritative voices behind  _ yes just a second. _

“okay okay, just send me the address. i might be a bit late though.” ,jisung said picking up his jacket, sighing at changbin's questioning look.

“sure. I'll cook your favourite dinner tonight.” ,and the call ended, both knowing that being a empty promise because jisung was never home at night.

“mom is busy so i have to pick jun up from dance class.” , jisung explained chan and changbin, the other two present in the room, “i don't even know when he started dance class!”

“you'll be back tonight right?” ,chan asked.

“I'll be back right after dropping jun home— or, maybe a bit later if he needs something.” ,jisung waves at them closing the door behind him.

walking to the place following the directions to the address, he stood in front of a one floor building, the smell of fresh paint still evidently strong and recognized it as the old club sort of place which the college cultural students usually used for rehearsals and such. when jisung had leaned a bit more than usual from the unit three college dorm balcony someday during his first month when he had come to one of his friend's house, he remembered seeing that building. jisung realised, he didn't even remember the name of that friend anymore. now, the college didn't own the building so students outside the college used it once in a while too, no one objected. seeing no one outside, jisung figured he was surprisingly early and class was not dismissed yet, so he waited on a bench outside and looked at the group of children cycling down the road, blurs of colours.

“hyung?” ,jun asked, surprised seeing him. now, jisung understood clearly, the younger was not surprised to see him  _ here,  _ but was just, surprised to even  _ see him.  _ his family was such, you see. his father was never home, maybe he visited once in four months, if it exceeded, no one minded. his mother was working too, left at morning when jisung wasn't even up yet, and by the time she returned at night, jisung would be out. and jisung and jun's school and college times never not collided, so they hardly saw each other. jisung knew, if he tried he could be at home for a longer time, but he resented the absence of others and decided to be away himself too.

“mom is busy.” ,he explained, “let's go home. “

“is it a meeting?” ,jun asked, voice low.“

yes let's go.” , jisung repeated again.

“okay.’ ,then he noticed someone, “bye minho hyung!”

“hey there jun—” ,then the  _ minho hyung  _ paused noticing jisung, “— han jisung isn't it? lee minho.”

noticing the hand forwarded for a shake he accepted it. minho explained he knew him because they were in the same college, him being a senior to him. bowing once again, jisung left with jun. 

jisung won't lie, he knew minho. almost everyone knew lee minho— the dance jewel. what jisung didn't understand what he was doing in such a college if he had such a potential for dance, but then again he was there too, so he didn't question it further. they also never had a reason to cross paths during college. dropping jun home he asked him if he wanted anything.

“you're leaving?” ,asked jun. jun was barely seven, birthday still two months away, who barely saw his father, just enough to remember his face, barely spent time with his mother, who came home way past his bedtime, who could barely call jisung his brother because, when was he ever home? he was still young, but he felt the sadness when his friends spoke about their brothers and sisters, when their mothers would come to pick them up and they would run to them with a huge smile plastered on their faces. he was still young and he missed him family and that's why without thinking he tightly held jisung's hand with both of his and said, “please stay.”

jisung was  _ surprised. very. _ if he strained his memory he would faintly recall two noisy kids running around the house but it was all a blur. high school came around when his father told him at once, not to be questioned : _ you'll become an engineer, just like me _ . it was the same day jisung decided, as he looked at his guitar and the black diary shoved at the last drawer, inked at every corner, that  _ he will not become an engineer, he will do music.  _ but he knew no one was interested what he wanted to do, so neither did he ever take an initiative to tell them. he studied physics and chemistry and every such other subject for his father at day, but the nights were his, when he sat in the studio with chan and changbin, wrote pages after pages of lyrics, rapped till his voice went hoarse, and the biggest thrill of the dark, the underground rap.

“ah sorry jun, but i have work. I'll warm your food, I'll be back in an hour.” ,jisung attempted at showing a small reassuring smile, knowing it was nothing of that sort.

jun nodded slightly, and jisung almost felt bad, but not enough to stay, never enough to stay.

as promised, jisung was back to the studio and by then chan and changbin were sitting on the sofa, talking.

“hey.” ,jisung sat between them, head rested against changbin and eyes closed.

“jisung, we. . . ” ,changbin started unsure and sighed, choosing his next words, “. . . we were thinking about something, but we need your opinion too.” he looked at chan, who nodded too.

“what?”

“let's not go to the underground rap anymore.” ,now this had jisung's attention. it had been months since the three of them had been going there, it was a place to vent out the anger, frustrations of the three students and jisung didn't understand how or  _ when  _ the two of them had taken that decision, also without him knowing.

“for how long have you both been planning this?” ,a bit hurt at the thought that he might have been left out of some conversation he asked. chan immediately jumped to clear his doubts.

“we've never talked about it before sung!” ,he explained, “we were waiting for you and just talking when we both confessed that we should maybe stop going there. it's not quite safe you know? you both are not even adults yet!”

“I guess i'm fine with it.” ,jisung replied after a pause, “as long as i'm doing music with both of you i'm fine. we three will still make music right?”

“yeah chan hyung has some idea apparently.” , changbin said, relieved that jisung did not object and chan told them about making a soundcloud account where they would put up music anonymously —  _ the wonders internet can do.  _ both changbin and jisung agreed.

so that night, jisung came back home. and that night, jisung didn't leave home. that night, jisung stayed. but his mother was still late, his brother was asleep and he had dinner alone, no nothing really changed.

 

;

 

as promised, the three of them still made music. if you have to know about them, it goes back to a few years, it wasn't anything special, no moments of epiphany followed but three people who wanted to make music had their schedules overlap with each other in the studio, got to know each other and then somewhere along the line, started making schedules together to meet up. chan was a senior year student in college, while changbin was still in his junior year in college who never resented any of the subjects but still wished to make music his main aim, but anyhow  _ if it doesn't work out i can still get a job after i graduate,  _ as for jisung, he was not even an adult yet. nothing about chan changbin and jisung was worth mention able, they didn't have marks worthy to be the talk to the students, neither were the part of any popular group. they didn't get into any relationships either. no one really knew them.

but many knew CB97, spearb and j.one. CB97 whose voice could bridge the other two, spearb whose words cut like sharp knives, j.one whose energy kept them on their toes. underground rappers who had made quiet a name for themselves. no one cared for age or identity there, as long as their rap was impressive, they were known.

when it came to their soundcloud career, it was slow at first. they were no feedbacks, hardly anyone heard their songs, it was disheartening, but music was never a homework to them. so they kept doing it. putting up new music. by the time they had over a few hundred people listening to their songs, chan had already graduated and was working daytime at a translating and printing place, while changbin was in his last year of college, and jisung still not an adult.

giving up his underground career offered jisung more time for home, but he didn't want that so he crashed at changbin's place. his mother's meetings increased and thus jisung took it upon himself to not laze around changbin's house and take responsibility of jun. so, it has been two months since jisung started picking up jun from school, from dance class, warm his food and so on.

“hyung!” ,jun came skipping, shirt sticking to his body, “minho hyung said he would treat me today because i danced well!”

“oh did he?” ,jisung mirrored his brother and smiled, “so should i wait around here?”

“hey jisung” ,minho smiled walking up to them, “you can join us if you're not busy.”

“uh sure.” ,jisung said after contemplating for a while. for the past few days he has been busy studying for his midterms and hardly spent time outside home and studio. they even had to cut down their studio hours, sadly, “let me call changbin and let him know I'll be late.”

“changbin? seo changbin?” ,minho asked.

“yup, i don't know there was any other changbin in our college.” ,he paused, “actually there could be, i don't know a lot of people to begin with.”

they walked to the nearby café, ordered their drinks and sat by the window.

“jun did great today!”, minho said filling the silence, “do you dance too?”

“i can't dance, at all. actually, i've never thought of it. i've never tried dancing to be honest. “ ,he confessed, “how jun dances good is beyond me. as far as i know, no one in our family is of the dance type. it's all engineers and doctors as far as it goes, oh and my mother works for a newspaper.”

“what about you?” ,minho asked.

“hyung loves music!” ,jun answered instead, voice enthusiastic, “he's amazing at rapping! he and his friends make music everyday they're amazing!” 

a hearty laugh sounded from jisung who never knew anyone could be so enthusiastic about his music career, “it's nowhere near how jun says. we try i guess. we used to be underground rappers.”

“so what do you do now?” ,minho asked fascinated. for a dancer, music and dance goes side by side so it's always good to find new music.

“we have a soundcloud account. you'll be surprised to know but quite a few students in the campus listen to us, although they don't know it's us.” ,jisung explains remembering the time he overheard a bunch of students listening to their song. also when changbin said he had seen something similar too, “we go by 3racha.”

“oh I'll search it up today.” ,minho said. then they talked for a while, but then jun was tired, jisung had to study, minho had midterms too, so minho payed for the three of them and then they left and didn't meet until next week when jisung came to pick jun up from dance classes.

“are you free saturday?” , minho asked after jisung came to inform him that jun was sick and wouldn't be able to attend class. he didn't need to, but it was almost a routine to see minho every week, and strangely he had missed him during his midterm weeks.

“saturday as in tomorrow or next saturday?” ,jisung asked sitting on the same bench he sits while waiting for jun.

“tomorrow is saturday?” ,minho asked, “then, are you free tomorrow?”

“depends. when?” , jisung asks. the denim jacket felt warm in the afternoon weather.

“around five. i have a dance program with my team. and i have an extra ticket. i wanted you to come.” ,minho says, blunt as usual, always to the point. jisung liked that about it— he didn't have to find his way around his words, he was clear with what he wanted to say.

“sure I'll come.” ,jisung says, suddenly feeling shy. for the most of his college months, he barely spent time with anyone other than chan and changbin, but now chan wasn't there anymore. he never made any effort to make more friends either. he guessed if he wanted he could have befriended the boys from his year— hwang hyunjin, kim seungmin and lee felix, but they were popular and shared a dorm so jisung didn't feel the need to intrude their tightly knit group. he met kim woojin some times, but he was no better than just a known face in the corridor. still they smiled and if some time could be spared, the ate together too. but now, he graduated too, along with chan. there was also yang jeongin, just a year below jisung who he was quite fond of, but their schedules didn't quite match except the one time they volunteered in the college's annual program and became friends. still jeongin sat with him at the lunch table if changbin was missing. so in conclusion jisung hardly spent time with people outside his comfort zone, and truth to be told, he hardly knew minho either. but he guessed he wanted to change that, so hoping his cheeks were not too pink dusted he took the tickets and smiled.

 

;

 

“i won't be coming to the studio tomorrow.”, jisung announced, spinning in the revolving chair, to which the other two looked up in surprise.

“you what?” , chan asked.

“yeah, remember minho? jun's dance teacher? he has a performance tomorrow. he gave me tickets,” ,he stopped spinning, “wants me to go.”

“that's great!” ,changbin exclaimed, “i and chan worry that you would end your college life with no friends except with both of us.” to this, jisung groaned and threw a pen at changbin which he missed, chan pulled him to the ground and soon the three of them were on the floor, fully engaged in tickling the youngest.

“so do you like minho? sounds like he likes you.” ,chan says, smiling softly. contrary to their usual behavior of annoying the youngest, the two of them often worried about him. surely it was better than before but chan and changbin talked about how jisung often shows signs of just withdrawing from any sort of interaction, or the days when he refused to go back home and would start crying and changbin would take him back to his and would let his fall asleep without explanations. it took them a while, but then they realised that jisung just missed the love your family would give you. on top of it, he hardly had much friends apart from them. they try their hardest without the youngest notice, bringing him chocolates, the three of them just going to local fairs. recently after they decided against the underground rap, they noticed him spending more time with jun, and would find him saying  _ jun dances so well hyung! i promised to buy his favourite food for dinner today.  _ he still didn't have more friends, but jun filled a bit of that family shaped hole in his heart.

“what even hyung!” ,jisung exclaimed, contrary to his loud exterior, he was quiet shy, “shut!”

“oh my god look at him blushing!” , changbin teased, “does our jisungie have a crush!”

“no i don't!” ,jisung denied, although he couldn't quite understand if it was a truth or a lie.

saturday rolled around and changbin would say he had never seen a more comical scene involving jisung who asked him if he could lend him a shirt because  _ i suddenly don't have anything worthy to wear outside college and studio. _

“so you're panicking because you want to look good huh?” , changbin asked eyebrows raised, a  teasing smirk painting across his lips, barely dodging a flying pillow towards him and found a white shirt for the younger.

“go get your boy!”

“hyung!”

 

;

 

when jisung was less then his brother's age, maybe five or six, his father had taken him to a circus once, looking back nothing was too fascinating about animals putting up a show, but five year old jisung found the colours, fire, animals all too exciting, but he still remembers a man walking across on just a rope with a rod in his hand as the most memorable part from that circus show. jisung being jisung had even tried to attempt something along those lines, but needless to say it resulted in a broken ankle and lot of tears. five year old jisung thought that was the best thing, and the next year's jisung didn't think of it, but seventeen year old jisung concluded that lee minho dancing was the most breathtaking and beautiful scene he had ever came across. even if jisung tried he wouldn't be able to explain how good minho's dance was, afterall he knew next to nothing of that art (maybe if jun was there he would appreciate it more), but he still stuck to the fact that it was beautiful.

“that was beautiful” ,was also the first thing he said after minho met him after performances ended, “i mean your whole group was amazing too, but you were beautiful. it was really good.”

“thank you! want to go out for dinner? i'm so hungry.” ,minho asked, his fingers around jisung's without any of them noticing.

“yeah sure, i'm hungry too.”

the two of them walked under the streetlights, through the busy streets, the various colours of shops painting the way. they were walking and then in a moment, they were running and laughing, hands still holding, as if nothing worried them, spirits freed after a few long long years.

“let’s eat ramen! i love ramen.” , minho said pulling him into a ramen shop lighted brightly with various lights, a warm aroma surrounding the busy shop. finding no reason to deny and surprised by minho's sudden outburst of energy they found themselves a seat and had dinner, again, minho's treat.

“now you're compelled to invite me to every one of your dance performances i don't want to miss any of those.” ,jisung at night was a bold jisung and he said it without a second thought.

“no one else but only you han jisung” ,minho at any time was a bold minho.

“want to meet rest of the dance team? there's a small party at hyunjin's house. no alcohol.” ,minho asked after a while.

“i don't know any of them. also, i'm sure there's alcohol.” ,jisung replied, an image of hwang hyunjin crossing his mind.

“but they know you. also, there might be alcohol.” , minho reframed, the noise of the city distant and fading.

“nah I'll pass, i should go back home, or maybe the studio.” , then he paused, “actually I'll go back home.”

“okay let me drop you. are you free next monday?” ,minho looked right, then left, and again right, the lights still green and crossed the road, jisung's hand still in his.

“next monday as in the monday of next week or day after tomorrow?” ,jisung wasn't sure why he was still holding minho's hand, but he didn't quite mind the gesture. in fact, he liked holding hands, and hugs too if offered. there just weren't enough people for those.

minho thinks, “day after tomorrow. also i don't know where you live, where do you live?”

“absolutely not free. wait let me lead the way. actually you can make your way back to hyunjin's. i can walk home myself.” ,jisung said talking a left turn.

“i want to walk with you. what are you doing on monday?” ,minho didn't quite understand how they managed to keep up their conversations with such common topics, but it worked— and he liked talking to the younger.

“nothing. i don't even go to the studio on mondays. maybe I'll take jun to the park. or sleep. im busy.” ,jisung liked mondays. the emptiness of the house used to haunt him as a reminder that he is going to spend a long time alone, but years of routine made it a habit and he didn't quite hate it anymore. on the contrary, he enjoyed the alone time he got.

minho didn't intrude saying that meant he was free, maybe they would work out another day. jisung made it a point to show that there was nothing interesting to be found in him, his days were a carbon copy of yesterday, the way you would need a bookmark to differentiate them. [ murakami ]

for the rest of it, they walked in silence, neither minded. minho in general was never the one to try hard and fill silences and jisung's wasn't his nature, silence became a habit. when they reached, the light from the room peeked through the curtains, whoever living inside was still awake.

“you live here?” minho asked, recognizing the area not to be far from his own. maybe a ten-twelve minutes walk.

jisung shook his head, “changbin hyung lives here.”

“you live with changbin?” ,minho only shared chemistry and history with the said boy, “i share two classes with him.”

“i might as well pay him rent from next month. i live here some times. when i feel lonely. less then before though.” ,jisung offered his signature bright smile, “goodnight hyung.”

“good-night.”

minho saw him sitting alone on the beach monday evening. they didn't meet.

 

;

 

“so do you like minho?” ,chan asked after changbin recollection of jisung coming home late, main attraction of the narration being that minho dropped him.

“he dances well.” ,he said after a pause. then paused again, “i like talking to him.”

“go on dates!” ,chan suggested with an underlying tone of teasing.

“he's graduating soon.” ,was jisung's reply.

“and?”

“and he'll leave. there's nothing special about this town, everyone would leave.”

“but you—”

“there's nothing special about me either, so they all leave.” 

it took them a week to understand the reason for jisung's new found sadness. it was winter vacation and jisung had sent jun to their grandparents house while his parents talked of divorce. he said  _ i saw it coming  _ when chan and changbin asked him about it. that night, jisung didn't go back home with changbin.

 

;

 

minho couldn't sleep so he made his way to the local coffee shop. it was already  _ next monday  _ and minho had not seen jisung since he dropped him at changbin house. a lingering thought stayed with him that maybe jisung and changbin were a 'something’ but he couldn't be sure. 

“lee minho?” ,he turned and saw two of the usual pair of three and gave a soft smile,  _ hello. _

they sat together and before minho could ask chan said, “jisung isn't here.”

“i know. i can see so.”

“we don't know where he is.”

“huh?”

“he didn't come back with me yesterday.” , changbin explained, “we haven't seen him since morning either. even jun called to ask us where he is.”

_ oh. _

“i haven't seen him since last saturday.” ,minho said at the lack of anything else, “maybe he's alone because it's monday. he said he liked being alone on mondays.”

“then it must be mondays everyday. he hardly comes to the studio anymore.” ,chan rambles absent minded, then as if coming back to his senses adds, “ah it's a family trouble. nothing much.”

“i see.” ,minho realises this is not a conversation they would like him in and says, “then i should get going. oh also! you guys make pretty good music. stayed up one night and heard all of those.”

“thank you.” ,said chan with the utmost sincerity, “did you figure out which one of us is who.”

“yes i do. see you around.” ,minho said drinking the last of his black coffee and got on his secondhand blue bicycle. maybe it was the stars, or the faint sound of the sea, or maybe it was the recent broken room heater waiting back for him at his dorm, he made a right turn and cycled his way to the beach at 12:08 am.

maybe the main reason minho made his way down to the beach was because that was the last place where he saw jisung— and this time, he wasn't disappointed when he saw a black crouched body, waves touching the feet only if they were higher once in a while. setting his cycle on the sand he quietly sat beside jisung, the waves immediately wetting his feet. 

“i was seven when i started dancing.” ,minho said staring at the dark blue waters, the stars only visible above not reflecting on the water. taking the silence as an invitation to continue he spoke again, “my mom feared i would never be able to make friends unlike the other kids in our block. i was a quiet kid. they used to gather at the park and sit in circles and make sand castles and go down the spiral slides, while i would barely go out. she thought putting me in dance class would help me make friends. well, it didn't go that way, not exactly.” ,he laughed softly as if remembering a fond memory, “the only friend i made was dance. i fell in love with it.”

“i know.” ,minho looked at jisung, the dried tears covered by fresh ones, “jun told me. he speaks a lot about you, he's fond of you.”

“sadly i will stop the classes after graduating.” ,minho said tracing an outline of a star on the sand.

“and?”

“my team performs in various places, they've even been to china, and other abroad places etcetera.” ,minho unveils his plans while tracing a star on the sand with his index finger, “i just want to dance. i will miss hyunjin and felix, ive danced with them for five years now, but of course they still have college.”

“invite me to your performances even if i can't go.” ,jisung says a smile threatening to break at the elder's fondness for dance.

“no one else but only you han jisung” ,minho replied, quoting himself from the last time, “let me take you somewhere.”

 

no response.

 

“changbin and chan hyung are worried you know?” ,minho said softly. maybe the wind would have taken his words away if jisung wasn't sitting so close. 

“i don't understand them.” ,jisung said after a while to which minho said  _ huh  _ ,confused.

“they're so amazing, i don't understand how they're still friends with me. i often think I'll wake up one day and realize they are not actually great friends with me and they'll leave too just like mother and father and—” ,jisung was crying, “— you know i hate being alone. i love being loud, i love giving hugs, i love having a lot of friends, but im  _ so so afraid minho hyung,  _ why are- why do  _ you  _ make so much effort to be my friend,  _ i don't understand hyung.” _

“let me take you somewhere.” ,minho repeated again, now softly running his fingers through jisung's hair, “let's go to my house on my bicycle and then i can take my car, come.”

standing up minho holds him in a tight hug, the sea stealing away the sand at their feet and the star minho drew fading with the waves. minho concluded the stars didn't reflect on the sea, instead it did on jisung's eyes.

  
  
  
;  
  
  


“my parents are divorcing.” ,jisung started. but that was it, he said no more. the car went through the empty roads, streetlights illuminating and then not at intervals. 

“who will you miss more?” ,minho figured he had more to tell.

“none. I'll miss jun if we have to stay away from each other. but i guess i don't deserve to say this because i spend most of my nights with changbin hyung.” ,jisung said sadly, a regret obvious within himself, “my father never stays home, maybe comes twice a year. jun just knows him enough to know his name and face. mom works all the time too, i never told her when i had a fever.”

“guess i won't miss them much, but still this accounts for a change. it makes me sad.” ,jisung said truthfully, “sorry.”

“don't be sorry.”

“ah okay sorry.”

“jisung.”

“okay.”

“where are we going.” ,jisung asked, the wind not quite harsh.

“some place high.” ,minho said, “when I'm sad i usually go somewhere high. there's this old building near the outskirts, used to be a something. ive asked everyone around but no one seems to know. the terrace is a wonderful place.”

“i like the sea when im sad.” ,jisung said, but still not opposed to the idea.

“we should switch then. maybe it's the sea and terrace which makes us more sad, we never know.”

 

;

 

reaching the terrace they sit near the edge, the city lights bright and joyous far ahead. minho picked up a stone and drew a new line next to three other on a wall. 

“what's that for?” ,jisung asked, curious.

“this is the fourth time ive come here. the last time i came here was because i was sick during a dance performance and couldn't perform. i was very sad.” ,minho said sitting beside jisung, “ah it's cold. now you'll be sad  _ and cold.  _ sorry.”

“you like this place it seems. why did you bring me here? i never take anyone to the beach” ,jisung said not minding the last part.

“because you're special jisung. you might deny it, but han jisung just as special as j.one.”

“do you like where we live?” ,jisung said not referring to minho's topics, “i want to leave this town hyung. somewhere away making music with changbin hyung and chan hyung.”

“i don't know. never thought that way. same i just want to be away and dance.” ,then he adds, “do you like changbin hyung?”

“yes i do. more than anyone else i suppose. not the way you like me though.” ,jisung at night was again bold. he figured he didn't have much to lose from this anyway.

“then why do you act like i can't like you?”

silence follows and minho thinks it was wrong to bring it up in such a night. no one talks for a while. then—

“im  _ afraid  _ hyung. don't you understand? you're graduating next year, you yourself said you'll leave, years to come I'll leave too and i just, i don't think—  _ hyung i don't think i can bear with anymore people leaving me, it makes me so tired.” _

“jisung—” ,minho never knew jisung could be hurting this much. then again, he didn't know jisung much, “—han jisung. come here.  _ come here.  _ look at those lights, there are so many people in this small town, there are more people out, not— not everyone will leave you. some people will  _ stay.” _

“can you stay with me here for some more time hyung?” ,jisung said after a long pause.

“I'll stay as long as you want jisung.”

maybe they fell asleep before the sun peaked over the dead town, or maybe they didn't. no one knew.

  
  
  
;  
  
  


within two weeks the four members of the family were living in four different places, parents divorced. well  _ not quite a family though.  _ his father was somewhere abroad, jun attended school from his grandparents place, mother back at her mother's home and jisung at changbin's.

“jisung please let's so out.” ,changbin sat backhugging jisung on the sofa, “what about we get ice-cream?”

“hyung im already sick.” ,jisung said. crying for hours, staying out at the beach in winter nights resulted in an inevitable fever, “I'll leave you tomorrow don't worry.”

“no way im not letting you go back to that house alone. you think you can take care of yourself?” , jisung's body still warm, “let’s go to han river,  _ han.” _

“that joke is old hyung.” ,he took changbin's hand in his, snuggling closer to him, “also, can we just go and sit there. i don't want to walk.”

“sure sungie. let's go.”

jisung thinks that he might have saved a city in his last life to have a friend like changbin. actually, not a friend,  _ a hyung. _ chan was the biggest witness of their bitter sweet friendship. they often let out their frustrations on each other and get into arguments but later at night chan would find them cuddled on the small sofa of their studio, figures barely fitting, holding each other tight and the sight of them looking so peaceful, chan couldn't have the heart to wake them up. or sometimes when jisung would go to changbin's house at night and he would never ask him  _ why.  _ also the time changbin would never let jisung know how he went extra lengths to find the exact gift for christmas which he spoke of months ago.

_ changbin did you actually— _

_ you'll never tell this to jisung hyung, ill kill you. _

 

“sungie?”

“yeah let's go. also, we're getting ice-cream. your treat.”

finding a good spot, away from the group of children shrieking and playing, jisung and changbin sat letting the cool air blow over them.

“minho hyung met me a few weeks back. after he met you and chan hyung.”

“he did?” ,changbin asked, surprised, “where were you?”

“i was at the beach. then he took me to his sad spot.” , jisung met minho a few times since that day, but just in the passing by, “i kind of want to meet him. maybe tomorrow.”

“why don't you call him tomorrow? skip studio. even chan hyung is busy with shifting to his new house. i might take a break too.” ,changbin suggested.

“you know hyung thought i liked you.” ,a small laugh escaped his lips.

“he's just making sure he is safe to ask you out on a date.” ,changbin laughed along, “he doesn't speak much in class. you can make up for that with your constant chatter.”

“hyung i don't speak much in class either!”

  
  
;

 

the next time jisung met minho was indeed tomorrow, but it was while he was on his bicycle, from his way out of a medicine shop, and almost about to crash into minho. 

“oh my, sorry!” ,jisung exclaimed barely holding himself upright, “i didn't see you there hyung, sorry!”

“you alright?” ,minho asked worried.

“im fine. sorry.” ,jisung repeated himself.

“sorry we should have noticed we were going too fast.” ,another voice spoke behind minho and jisung recognized him to be felix. he also recognized seungmin and hyunjin and jeongin—

“hannie hyung!” ,jeongin tackled him into a hug not having met him for a long time, “it's been so long since we met. i didn't even see you in school for the past week.”

“how are you jeongin.” ,jisung ruffles his hair, and suddenly feels the absence of his own brother, jun, but swallows the bitterness, “and i was sick. I'll come on monday though.”

the rest of them introduces themselves to each other, in spite of knowing each other already, although none mentioned so. after some small talk minho tells the rest that he would walk jisung home while the rest of them could get going to which the others compelled easily.

“hyung let's have lunch together on monday!” ,jeongin said before leaving the two of them alone.

 

“how are you jisung?” 

“changbin hyung's tea does miracles in fevers.”

“jisung”

 

_ a pause. _

 

“holding on.” ,jisung sighed all the energy drained out of him from the earlier interactions, “having a cold and being sad isn't easy. but don't worry, I'll be fine.”

minho smiled, a little relieved.

“how sick are you still?”

“enough for me to buy medicines, but also for changbin hyung to let me leave alone.”

“do you want to go somewhere?” ,minho asks hopeful, he'd missed the younger, “we'll take my car, we won't have to walk.”

“sure” ,jisung said smiling.

  
it wasn't easy, but changbin eventually agreed and thus by 06:00 pm jisung found himself in the crowded streets of hongdae, walking with minho holding hands.

“can we watch a few of those buskings hyung!” ,jisung asked excitedly jumping like a kid, “i love those!”

“sure sungie.” ,minho said mirroring his smile, “tell me if you feel tired.”

but jisung wasn't hearing anymore, instead he was already running towards a crowd dragging minho along with him, jumping to see what was going on.

 

_ i hate tall people. _

 

“come on let's move front.”, minho couldn't help but laugh at short people's eternal hatred for tall ones. he could sometimes relate too. after seeing about three-four performances, they decided to eat at a relatively 'not-too-busy’ place.

“let me count this as our first date.” ,minho said making jisung look up in surprise, eyes wide, spoon with a chunk of cake hovering midair.

avoiding the elder's eyes jisung looked down at the piece of cake in front on him and tried to stop the huge smile from breaking and whispered, “ok-kay.”

then he looked up and smiled, cheeks blushed and minho's was so too. maybe they spent the next few hours just walking through the busy streets, or they sat in a park and talked of all things good and bad. it was all a blur, but if there were two things minho was sure of :

one : jisung agreed this to be their first date.

two : jisung kissed him on the cheeks before whispering a hurried  _ goodnight. _

 

;

 

maybe jisung still wasn't quite sure about minho-liking-him-and-him-liking-minho but minho knew han jisung was worth it, if the other would like it take things slow, minho wouldn't mind, because to him, han jisung was  _ worth it. _

"why is jisung in the middle of a existential crisis?” ,chan asked, confused at a jisung lying face downwards on the floor while changbin laid on  _ top _ of him not letting him get up.

“apparently one, it's minho's birthday soon and two, he wants to take him on a date.” ,changbin replies, “although i don't know which one he's more worried about. wait sungie, take him on a take on his birthday.”

“hyung get off you're heavy.” ,jisung groaned from underneath struggling to turn over.

“changbin wait a second.” ,chan said and laid down over changbin resulting in another groan from the youngest.

“chan hyung!  _ get off!” _

 

;

 

the air smells like sea— jisung takes a handful of sand and feeds it to the waves. jisung realises in a moment, he does not even know the date or time, other than the fact that it was a monday because he had lunch with jeongin as promised. he has not seen minho since their  _ date  _ at hongdae. it was at moments like these, when he sits by the sea too long that he strangely misses minho. but of course, the said boy was in his senior year, about to graduate and was busy so jisung's fingers hovered over the call button when he turned off the screen and put it back in his pocket.  _ hyung must be busy. chabgbin hyung is too. they're both seniors. _

figuring he had nothing better he decided to roam the town and find a gift for minho and buy dinner. he still wasn't sure what to make out of his impulses to kiss minho the other night, but then again, one had to take responsibility for his actions and maybe jisung could finally admit to himself that  _ yes he indeed liked minho and would love to have him as a boyfriend. _

_ but then again, he will leave—  _ a voice whispered.

_ not everyone will leave. he'll stay. minho hyung will stay—  _ he said back, firm.

it has been more than seven months since jisung and minho met each other, but he barely knew his favourite colour and thus realised that buying a gift for him was the hardest task in hand. hoping minho wouldn't be too judgmental, he entered a record shop and selected a few ones that either caught his eyes, or the ones he sometimes saw in chan's collection. yet not satisfied, he visits a dainty accessory shop at a corner, where the streets were relatively less busy, just a few mothers with their digit year children around and about. having quite an attraction for earrings himself, he chooses a few he thinks would look good on minho and pays for them, happy with his choices now. if he had more to spare, he would have bought a few for himself too, but dinner is definitely more important.

“two servings— actually three servings please.” ,jisung smiles and pays for the food, warm against his cold fingers. the warmth was welcoming and jisung savours every bit and walks. after a while, he finds himself near the beach again, the moon lonely on the cold beach, the sea waving at in as if saying  _ fear not, im here to stay. _

plopping down on the sand jisung sees the three servings of food packets in his hand, and before he could regret his decisions he calls him.

“jisung?” ,a soft tired voice sounds from the other side.

“hyung.” ,he presses his nails against his palm. he needs to cut them soon, “im at the beach and i bought dinner, are you . . . busy?”

“if it were anyone else i would definitely say im busy, but—” ,jisung could feel minho smiling, “— you offer me food jisung, so im definitely not busy.”

a laugh sounds from both sides of the call along with a hasty promise of  _ be there in ten minutes bye sungie!  _ minho remains a boy of his word and jisung hardly sat there for ten minutes when minho sits down beside him, hands around the other's shoulder.

“hey sungie?” ,minho was happy that the younger had called him himself. he thinks this to be his reward after four hour of staying stuck on his study table, not even getting up to eat, “you cold? come here.” they sit closer.

“i was going to call you before, but figured you would be busy. looks like i was right.” ,jisung said handing minho a packet, then added absent mindedly, “oh dear it's too cold what even—”

“are you actually cold or do you just want to sit closer?” ,minho teases as he holds the younger in his warmth, glad the younger had a smaller frame than him.

“hyung!” ,jisung exclaims embarrassed, “eat alone! I'll leave!”

“ah just joking just joking sungie!”

they sat for the next hour, eating, first at the beach and then moved to the warmth of minho's car. 

“i missed you. i hate exams.”, minho says, drawing patterns on his fogging window glass, “thank you for dinner.”

“guess i missed you too.” ,jisung said. he was bad with voicing out the words.

“want to go somewhere?” , minho asked as usual. being with jisung makes him want to go to far away places and just be with him. 

“not tonight.” ,jisung says smiling, although he hoped he could. remembering in mind about minho's exams and his own he denies, “besides, can't leave changbin hyung hungry. i have his dinner too.”

 

_ oh _

 

“actually i wanted to ask something.” ,jisung decided - it was now or never, “are you free next wednesday?”

minho thinks, when jisung realises and— “wait not wednesday! that's your birthday. some other day. what about friday? after your exam?”

“you— you know my birthday?” ,minho asks, genuinely surprised. he didn't know jisung's yet, “also, yeah friday works. for what?”

“uhm, a date. i—” ,jisung thinks he would be anywhere else but there in the same car as minho with no where else to look, “i want to take you out on a date. yeah. that's it.”

a smile gradually sets on minho's face until it grows and reaches to his eyes, “i would love that.”

 

  
;  
  
  


planning a date, jisung realised, was harder than deciding between synonyms of words to use for his lyrics. finally after two whole hours of brainstorming and  _ sungie it's a date you're not planning your wedding for fuck's sake  _ he decided that there's nothing better than screaming your head off at a karaoke and then get hungry and have a meal. that is how he found himself singing the randomest drama songs while holding minho's hands and acting out the parts without any care for the world. maybe they even earned the worst scores but,

“hey we had fun stop saying the machine was broken.” ,minho laughed holding onto jisung, who himself was barely standing straight after a whole session of non stop karaoke. minho felt a small bubble of happiness surfacing and growing larger as jisung waved his hands animatedly, his face of varying expressions and his words were tuned out with only his lips moving and all minho could think how this is the most happy, most euphoric he had ever seen, this was the jisung which he deserved to be every day, enjoying his music, with an everlasting smile and no sign of a frown or worry. minho decided this was the jisung he always wanted to see, and he would try his best to do so. minho also thought that jisung speaking fast while he was excited and had a lot in mind was the most endearing thing he had ever seen.

“it's broken.”

maybe the only one broken in the room was minho. one moment he felt he was underwater and he couldn't comprehend jisung's words, too far away, and the next he pressed a soft kiss against jisung's cheeks, too close to his lips, cutting his stream of excited words to a still, breath caught and eyes wide.

“i like you han jisung.” , minho said. and then repeated, “i  _ like you han jisung.” _

“minho hyung.” ,jisung felt lightheaded and dizzy for moments, a soft buzzing is his ears as he kept looking at minho, shock still evident, “i—”

“sungie i won't leave you.”

“sungie.”

 

_ again a pause _

 

“i know hyung,  _ i know.” , _ he doesn't look him in the eye, “but everytime i try to convince myself that this town is small and there's more people out there and they won't leave, not everyone will leave,  _ you won't leave,  _ i find a voice telling me that im wrong— that you're wrong and, what if you leave, i—”

“sungie.” , minho holds his shaking body in his embrace, fingers drawing a small comforting pattern on him, “you can't be certain but you have to learn to believe in yourself, not the voice. stop living in fear that  _ everyone  _ would leave you. that's, not true. my mom used to tell me, your life is a train journey. you'll cross many seas, mountains, stations where people will board the train and then stations where people leave. what matters is you cherish the people who come in and not regret doing so when they leave. jisung . . .  please.”

“hyung . . .” , jisung felt himself choking up, for all the moments that the older spent with him at the beach, in the cold. for the weekdays he met him and just smiled at the lack of words, for all the quiet _let me take you_ _somewhere-_ s , “but im still scared.”

“I'll help you through it. jisung you may not realise, but, you're worth a lot. i just, want to see you happy sungie,  _ please.” _

“minho hyung.”

“ _ please sungie—” _

“minho hyung.” ,jisung put his hands softly around minho's cheeks, too careful, a soft smile, and a kiss, “i like you.”

“ _ sungie.” _

“i really do like you hyung. can i— can _ we  _ take time? will you wait for me hyung?”

“you, han jisung, are worth it all, i will be here _ waiting for you, staying for you.” _

 

minho paid for the meal after another session of intense karaoke while they earned high points.  _ maybe the machine isn't broken afterall hyung. _

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos and give some feedback :(


End file.
